Enjoy It While Its Still Hott!

Face drenched in mascara-filled tears, her mild sniffles turned her pretty yellow nose into a redish shade. She looks like an extreme makeover gone horribly wrong. Sitting at a table surrounded by her closest girlfriends, she narrates her story in between angry, tearful sighs. A glass of wine and a shot of tequila to calm her down. The girls listen to their friend attentively, faces coloured with concern... throwing in the occasional “yeah I know you what you mean” and “are you serious? that bustard!” She is a victim of a deadly phenomenon we all know as “friends with benefits.”

Fun, no-strings-attached, casual sex relationships are the order of today’s dating scene. They are not necessarily unhealthy, but they are not necessary either. In case you’ve been living under a rock, a friend with benefits is someone you do the do with, no strings attached like a cordless phone (J Cole)! No dates, no roses and no questions. The only knowledge required from you is purely carnal. You’re allowed to call at 2 am when the club closes, still loaded with alcohol in your system  to find out if they *hiccup* want to hook up. After all, the only thing that’s open at that time of night is a pair of legs!

There’s only two rules when it comes to these ‘phantom’ relationships:

Rule #1 - Do not develop feelings

Rule #2 - Remember rule number 1

Feelings are a disease that one must not catch if one wants to survive this game. Girls, being the emotional beings that they are, are unfortunately prone to this disease. They don’t fall...they plunge, aimlessly in that thing called love...without a damn parachute! The relationship then loses its worth, sending the guy packing. Emotional turmoil must be avoided at all costs - rule number 1!

Not all guys will run though. The smart ones stay and use this to their advantage. If he doesn’t run immediately then he is part of the dangerous breed...the type that know just how to get under a girl’s skin. He knows how to offer just enough of himself to keep the girl hooked, for months and sometimes even years at a time. He doesn’t really want the girl to stay, but doesn’t really want her to go. He doesn’t ever come out and say yes, but he also doesn’t ever say no. At this point the girl is left swimming in a perpetual state of grey.

That is why a lot of girls will agree with me when i say “friends with benefits” is a scam (as my girrl B! rightly calls it) cooked up by a secret cult of commitment-phobe men to get the nookie without the nuptials. They get to have their cake and eat it too! But hey, let’s not point fingers. Some women enjoy it too. But the whole thing is like communism though...good in theory, but a dismal failure in reality.

Anyway the point of it all is that casual nookie is like fresh milk – only good for a limited time and best enjoyed before its expiry date. It is like one of those fun tunes to hum along to for a while before the record starts skipping. Catching feelings from casual nookie is inevitable because the more time we spend with another person involved in intimacies, the more intimate we become regardless of our intentions. Which forces us to question if our intellect can indeed overrule our emotion. I seriously doubt it though. Because a lot of the time, matters of the heart short-circuit our ability to think rationally, leading us to engage in emotionally unhealthy behaviour. Raise your hand if you’re a girl and know just what i’m talking about!

I mean, for guys, sex is kinda like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty damn good. So they will never go hungry because there is no emotional attachment to a particular flavour. And nothing will stop him from trying out different flavours! Basically, nothing will make him stay with a girl if he doesn’t want to. So ladies, when you feel a case of the feelings coming on...RUN! It don’t matter if that guy can pluck at your heart strings with both hands tied behind his back – fact is, if he aint putting a ring on it then he don’t want it! 

Put on your best stilettos and start steppin lil mama. And fellas, don’t let her fall if you don’t plan on catching her...

When They Walk Out...Shut The Door Behind 'Em

Once, when I was going through a stormy period in my life, a good friend of mine said to me, “the thing with you Ro is that you feel too much”. And I sat there, dumbfounded thinking to myself what the fuck does that even mean?  Is that a good or bad thing?

Days later, still disturbed by those words, I decided to rephrase the term “feeling too much” and deem it being passionate. Yep, I’m passionate about everything I do. When I laugh, I laugh hard and when I cry, I cry equally hard. I allow myself to feel. But the mistake I (and I’m pretty sure a whole lot of other people) have made many a time though, is giving too much of myself away, and trusting too much…to the point where it becomes a flaw; a curse instead of a blessing. And the unfortunate thing with passion is that, once you’ve invested a lot of yourself in something or someone, having to let go comes with increased difficulty.

Lovers and friends for example...

Friends - More often than not, friendship breakups are more upsetting and confusing than romantic breakups because friends are expected to be there through ups and downs, smiles and frowns. And so when a good friendship ends, there is a void that only time can heal. Honestly, if a friend walks out of your life then he/she was never really a friend to begin with. Maybe the universe was showing you that, that person clearly was not meant to be a part of your life. True friends would never throw away your beautiful friendship.

Lovers - Well, whether it was some great love, or it was just “complicated”…if it’s ended then let it be. Just like with broken glass, you don’t want to cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It doesn't take rocket science to figure that one out, I mean isht ended for a reason! But what I’ve learnt though, about moving on is that in order to leave it, you have to first grieve it. Or to put it colorfully "take your heartbreak to dinner, allow yourself to heal…then leave it with the bill" (I read this somewhere). If you're smart, you'll get it.. 

But basically, you need to allow yourself to feel the sadness and all that soppy emotion...then be a man about it and suck it up! What’s done is done, you can’t erase it...so might as well face it. You're probably too phly for him/her anyway...so on to the next.

You are not broken because your heart is, and your worth did not walk away because they did.

You have to let go of what is NOT meant for you, to receive what IS. Let go of the old to receive the new.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

So i guess what I'm trying to say (500 words later) is that, saying goodbye is not always a bad thing. Many endings mark the start of beautiful beginnings. If someone walks away from your life it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in your story is over. Turn the page. When you remove a weed (from your life), God will plant a seed. So the person stepping is simply creating space for bigger and better things in your life. Every hole in your heart is space for someone or something new and fabulous to enter. Once you've realized that...then you've found the good in goodbye!

Pick Your Man

This Puff n Pass comes with all the confidence in the world, undresses you with his eyes and you already feel like a sex object. Who is this guy that makes you feel so cheap? The last time you checked yourself out on any reflective surface, your crotch was nowhere in sight and the only twins in eyes’ range are the 2 nostrils of your round African nose! But for some reason this man sees u as a piece of meat n he wants just a bite! I’m sorry but I’m a full meal all the goodies and nutrients, ga ke short sepe! I am not a snack in between meals and I don’t come in bite size. My care label says “do not give to children under the age of 18”, yes u can’t handle this!!!

The hustler is in the building! Now this guy could be anywhere from a forest to masimo in freaking Mmathubudukwane but he is always in “the building”. The conversation with him, or rather, his meek attempt, at impressing you leaves you more confused than the idea of someone who still can’t buy clothing in his size. It is just too big!! You cringe every time he says “nah mean” because you have no idea why he is “BASICALLY OUTTA SCHOOL AND TRYNA PUSH A CAREER IN MUSIC.” Ke Mr. “I’m hustling some projects”. He says this and your first thought is he is probably a weed sales rep and you don’t want to be his down ass chick. I mean I don’t look like I’m trying to go to jail now am I?? He can barely walk because of these oversized pants and heavy Timberlands but he wants to step out into the world with you…uuhhhh ke sharp! I don’t want anybody bringing me down so I sure as hell ain’t tumbling down with you. Like I said, I hold my own. Now you can sea walk your way out of here. Call me when you’re the right size and can fit in my life as something more than a pest .Take your “straight cap” really ,it covers you like an umbrella protects you from all great advice.

Mr. Ambitious - Whistle! Whistle! Exse  baby! ao motho o montle! ao baby! At this point you know what is coming, an overly ambitious male .I give him a 10/10 for their confidence. He for some reason thinks his heavy African accent will somehow whale in a girl like you, like really whale - assuming you are a big catch that is! He truly believes in himself and that is a good thing right……… No matter how crazy you think he is, look straight into his eyes ,coz trust me, he knew he may not be of your standard but approached you any way. Ladies in those eyes, that’s the purest love you are ever going to see. It does not ask much of you, the person looking back at you has nothing to offer, but to love you with the little he has .Here is what you fail to see at this moment: a man with money does not love you by spoiling you rotten because he already has money and therefore he is not going the extra mile. But a poor man goes out of his way when he does something for you. It’s from the heart…… hai mare keng it’s more comfortable, not to mention easier, to cry in lush leather interiors of a range rover than on a bicycle! Mr. Confidence has great confidence to approach you but face it, you prefer having the 3 C’s ….than just a 10 for confidence.

Smooth Operator – If you’ve seen the series Single Ladies, you will know this man. He has that Malcolm smooth to him, that killer charm that will make a girl drop her pants on the first date. He comes up to you and you already want to sit up straight. You can’t help but change your demeanor. This is the only time a girl doesn’t want to be a le 14. You watch what you say and do around him. You have a constant need to prove your maturity. You become so self cautious – watching what you wear, order and say. Bo Mr. Smooth are usually the men with the messiest lives. His clean cut look is just a façade. He will fool you. For all you know he could be the father of his best friend’s kid. He does not let you in on his businesses. Could it be because Mr. Prim n Proper is up to his neck in illegal dealings or unimaginable corruption?

Pick your man……

My name is Bosa and I just let my mind wander...

From interesting careers that you didn’t even know about, inspirational women around us, to the type of guys that try and get with you…together you and I will engage in conversations regarding these issues and more.

This little space every month, (thanks to my girl Rori) will serve as a platform to get an insight on different matters of a common interest amongst ourselves; a way to exchange on a varied genre but not confining ourselves to a particular topic.