“To live in hearts we leave
behind is not to die” -
Thomas Campbell
Wouldn’t it be great
if R.I.P stood for Return If Possible?
For thy and a whole lot of people thy knoweth...this is the truth and nothing
but it, like the hand on the bible. Because in all honesty, even though we know
(or are told) that they are chilling in a better place, at the back of our minds
we still wish they would come back and fill the empty gap that they created in our lives when God called them home. And stop the hurt.
Losing a loved one is
just catastrophic on all levels dude. The pain is like none that you have ever experienced. It penetrates past
your mind, beyond your heart and lingers deep within the borders of your soul.
It’s like your whole being is suddenly thrown into a deep and dark perpetual
pit of pain, your screams for help on mute. Overwhelming and surprising
emotions like shock, anger and guilt consume and confuse you indefinitely...one
minute you think you’ve got a handle on shit, and the next you’re going mental!
And what’s worse...you don’t even know why it happened. It never makes any
sense.
Death is a topic that
we usually prefer to ignore, only to unearth from the depths of our
subconscious minds when it catches up to someone we know – a parent, relative,
friend etc… We become afraid when it hits close to home because no one ever
expects its arrival.
I had a rather insightful conversation with
a few friends over the weekend about loss and how to cope, especially with a
parent’s death. One of them said: “Ro, nna I believe God would never take your parent away if he
knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it. Of course no one ever wants to lose
their parents, but there are people ba eleng gore if they lost a parent right
now…ba ka tsenwa ba isiwa mental! I guess God could see that I wasn’t one of
those people when my mom died.”
Those words have been ringing in my head ever
since...
My friend said those words with so much
clarity and faith. I was reduced to nothing but admiration for her strength and
courage. How could a young 20 something year old who has just buried her mother
speak with such conviction? How was she not breaking down at the very thought
of it?
I have realised that a lot of the time, we doubt our own strength…its
human nature. That is why God throws us curve balls in life, to show us that
we’re actually stronger than we think. And the sooner you realise that, the
more unbreakable you become. The conversation was quite deep and touchy, but it
was a reaffirmation of what most of us already know…the Big Guy will never put
you through anything that you cannot handle. What don’t kill you makes you
stronger, right?
Evidently that nigga
death operates on a sneaky level. He creeps into people’s homes like a thief at night and just
snatches the promise of life away…swiftly and unexpectedly. I bet he sees no
fun in knocking on the doors of those who are expecting him. Maybe that’s why
it always seems like the good die young, or the good always go first. He would
rather swipe the life of the 21 year old about to get a degree - with the
promise of a full life, rather than the 85 year old preacher on his death bed
singing praises to the Lord about going to heaven. Shock value – the more
unexpected it is, the better it is for him. His signature is the date of death on every
headstone. A slick reminder of how short this life is.
Honestly I don’t
really know what the point of all that I just said is, so I don’t have one of
those explosive conclusions that tug at your heart strings and confirm thy
brilliance to you (but of course you’re already aware of the latter, that’s why
you’re still reading this *wink*)
But I am hoping that
someone reading this might relate and find a little comfort in my words…somehow.
Here’s some food for
thought: Every human life is a story told by God. So when God eventually stops telling
their story, would you choose to wallow in sadness forever because the story
ended? Or would you rather (at some point) be glad that it was told and that
you were a part of it? Think about it...
I mean, I doubt there is
a universal skill on how to manage loss because no one reacts the same way to a
situation, but I skim how you choose to mourn could make or break you. The healing process is painstakinlgy slow,
as I’ve learnt, with more lows than highs. But hey, truth is you’ll never know how strong you are until being
strong is the only choice you have.
R.I.P to the parents, brothers, sisters, relatives and friends that we lost...
***dedicated to all my friends who've lost those closest to their hearts***
